Sorry that my posts are three days apart these days! Things have been a bit hectic so I'm updating you when I can!
Day Three: I was thoroughly inspired by the running angel the other day and on this day I had to do a similar session as she was doing. This day was to be another 'hard tempo' run (I hope that you're keeping up with the terminology! 'Hard tempo' means that I am running as fast as I can juuust below my maximum effort) but instead of 20 minutes like the first time, I was to up the length of the tempo section to 25 minutes. Sounds easy enough right?
Wrong.
This is the first time that I would be trying one of my harder runs after work. I usually like to do them in the morning but I didn't have that option today. Instead of racing to beat the heat, this time I was racing to make sure I wasn't caught outside after dark. The advantage is that its much cooler though.
I didn't get the chance to photograph my pre-run snack but I wasn't really hungry so all I had was a medium sized orange and a cup of light soy milk. This was just enough because I didn't feel bogged down and my energy was surprisingly high.
I hit the road at about 4:40 PM and ran my initial warm up mile. I was really enthusiastic to start my tempo run and I had to keep pulling myself back from running my warm up too quickly. My last tempo section was run on a pretty flat course so I tried this one on a much hillier route. The end of the warm up mile leaves me right at the base of a small hill and that was where I was to start running as hard as I could. I took a deep breath, set my timer and took off as fast as I could. I was pleased at the speed I was able to take on the hill but it definitely was a rough way to start. It took a bit out of me and I had to really focus on not losing speed once the incline leveled out. This tempo run was much harder than the first one. I was huffing and puffing quite early in. The hills really take their toll. The first two hills were in the first five minutes of the run and I found myself constantly looking at my watch. 'Only four minutes in?? *groan*'
I think I looked at my wrist at 30-40 second intervals and was always disappointed by how little time had passed. I was running with all my might and covering ground but it was like time just wasn't passing. By 10 minutes it wasn't getting easier and I thought about the last time I did this when I would have been half way through by this point. Adding 5 minutes doesn't sound like much until you have to run it. I was considering stopping at 20 minutes again. I didn't let myself look at my watch as much. 15 minutes in I was pretty certain that I was going to stop at 20. I was keeping my pace and much to my surprise I noticed that my pace was actually faster when going up the hills! I took a look at my stride and it actually was pretty good as well. I wasn't pounding into the pavement and my steps were pretty light. I made sure to push off from my toes and keep my back straight, core tight and shoulders back and it made a good difference in how my stride flowed. I was no running angel but I was seeing improvement.
18 minutes in...you can guess who started to pipe up in my head. I was tired, I wanted to stop but I knew my conscience would gnaw holes in my brain for the rest of the day if I didn't try to press on. It was hard to keep the pace at this point. I know I slowed down a bit but I was still pushing as hard as I could without killing myself. I tried to run the last 5 minutes without looking at my watch but...yeah that wasn't going to happen. I practically counted each second. Knowing I only had two minutes left still felt like an eternity and one minute left felt like some sick, mean trick that someone was playing on me for fun...but I can tell you that once those 25 minutes were up...I was so glad that I did it. First of all it felt AMAZING to slow down. I was so happy I wanted to jump up and down...but I didn't really have the energy so I think I weakly punched the air above my head in some ridiculous fashion instead. Wouldn't look like much to an outsider but that was serious effort at that point! haha!
Oh and of course I had to make things difficult for myself running up my hill again at the end. I took it faster this time too. I had to walk a couple laps around my house before I went inside to cool down before my mother had a thing or two to say about how heavily I was breathing. :P
It was a short but tough run. I took me about 45-50 minutes in total but it sure took its toll.
Not to mention the trouble I've been having with my leg since the fall. When I stretch vigorously the leg is perfect. I was able to run with absolutely no problem...but the minute I lay down or sit down for too long my leg seizes up and its like I just fell down all over again. It kind of feels like the joint is pinching the muscle when I get up from sitting down. My mom was laughing at how stiffly I was hobbling about after my nap. Not in a cruel way or anything...I mean I would have laughed. I looked pretty ridiculous.
My post run din-din was a yummy slap together with what was in the kitchen.
Spicy tuna melt with soy cheese and baked plantain sprinkled in cinnamon.
Wasn't that hungry after the protein shake so made it a light one.
I stayed in for the rest of the night to put up my leg though. I stretched before bed but I woke up in the middle of the night with nagging aches in the leg that moved from different sections of the muscle. It eased off but it was pretty annoying.
And then Day Four.
I woke up on Day Four dehydrated again. Dammit! I was doing so well!
However, dehydration wasn't the biggest of my hurdles at the moment. I've mentioned this before briefly and now I'll go into it a bit more as its an ongoing issue of mine. I suffer from depression. Thankfully as I'm getting older I've learned coping mechanisms so its no longer something that I struggle with day in and day out. On the face of things I try to pretend that its not a part of my life but sometimes it catches up with me and knocks me down for the count. Over the past couple weeks I've been constantly brushing off the blanket of gloom that's been resting on me when I let my guard down, sometimes through a little tough love and sometimes through prayer and quiet time...but on this morning I woke up and couldn't face getting up. Oh days like this, everything is a daunting process. I have trouble figuring out the simplest things like what to eat, what clothes to put on my back...what to do with myself...and of course what to do with these horrible feelings that have come out of nowhere. I knew I had to train...I wanted to train...I knew it would make me feel better...but I couldn't bring myself to do anything. All I could pay attention to was the overpowering feeling of sadness.
I wish there was a reset button for the mind. In the back of my mind I know I can beat these depressions but when you're in them its like you're temporarily another person. My inner voice stops encouraging and starts debasing, I can't quite remember why certain things made me happy in the first place, or if I do, I don't have the drive to go about trying to get to them. I go from being little miss 'go-go-go!' to little miss '...go away'. Its a bad scene, because I already feel rotten...and then I'm mad at myself for letting myself feel rotten...which just makes everything worse. Plus I know I'm no fun to be around on these days either. Every doctor I've seen says that I need to be constantly on medication but I'm not going there again. I've tried that through my teens and nothing worked. In fact they made things worse. I don't believe that I need pills to function. I just have to take these days as they come, and work my way out of them.
So...I was working at 4PM and as I was laying there in the now late morning asking myself all of the usual questions that I put forward in these times. 'Why could it be that are you feeling like this? Is there something that you could be doing that will help? Is there something bothering you that you haven't addressed? Even if there is, is it really worth letting yourself feel like this? Is it really worth wasting a whole day?' Things like that...The answer to the last two questions always ends up being 'No.' and when I finally convince myself of that is when I can start to push to snap out of it. I decided that I was going to eat something, have one more little nap and when I got up I would do some strength training.
When I woke up after the nap I wasn't very enthusiastic about my plan but I did it anyways. My leg was okay and I stretched it well before jumping on the stationary bike for 30 minutes. I didn't feel a single tweak in my leg on the bike. The time on the bike seemed to fly by with beautiful ease. I pedaled moderately for the first 20 minutes and then rotated between high intensity to moderate intensity for the last 10 minutes. When I jumped off the bike my heart was pounding, my legs, my entire body and my mind felt like I had made some wonderful break through. I felt like I was really breathing again...and I felt grateful and happy to be on my feet once more. Then, feeling much more encouraged, I did a series of lower body and core strength exercises that I haven't done in a while and then ended with my usual squat routine that I made just a little bit harder for myself...and once it was over, the day was mine again. This is why I refuse medication. Okay, the rest of the day wasn't sunshine and buttercups...but I was doing something about it. I know I have a choice. If I can train my body with discipline then the same goes for my mind. The more I learn to treat my mind like my muscles, the less I'm going to struggle with this. Just like with my body, I need to feed my mind the right things, I need to exercise healthy thoughts, be gentle with it when its hurting and give it the nurturing it needs to get back in order. I need to acknowledge its limits and work with them but always remember that sometimes its only a matter of pushing yourself just that little bit more that will make all the difference. Being healthy doesn't just stop and diet and fitness. Its also the way you view and experience your day to day life. At least I can say that I'm trying towards it...even if I don't always succeed.
Today is Day Five and it's my full rest day. I'm very busy so I wouldn't even have time to think about exercising which works out. Plus my legs are pretty sore from yesterday so they're getting a well deserved break to be ready for tomorrow. I feel okay today on the whole but I keep reminding myself of how much I have to be thankful for. Today's a gift after all...and so help me I'm going to tear the crap out of the wrappings and stick that freaking bow to my forehead. Oh yeah. ;)
Almost week Six...wow....
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